Clue, and Unknown Alias Parody
by The Unknown Alias
Summary: It will be to your advantage to be present on this night, for a certain Mr. Slade Wilson will put to an end a series of painful monetary liabilities. Signed, a friend. Rated for slight swearing and murder. Features cartoon, anime and game crossovers.
1. The Guests Arrive

Clue: an Unknown Alias Parody

Chapter 1  
The Guests Arrive  


* * *

_New Jersey, 1958_

A black car silently drove on the road, the driver inside struggling to control the power on the accelerate pedal. He slowed to a halt once he arrived at a locked gate. Off on the side was a small box with a keyhole. He rolled down the window and inserted a mahogany colored key. He turned it a few times until the gate before him opened up.

He continued the car up to a driveway, the overhead moonlight adding an ominous feeling to the situation. He parked, turned off the car, and got out of it with two things in hand. One was his coat draped on his right arm; the second was a lumpy and wrapped package. He went to the door of the mansion, all the ground floor lights on. The manor was huge and complete with a cellar, and second floor for bedrooms and an attic.

The figure stopped as he neared the entrance to see something off to the side. There were two dogs, growling and on guard. Well, the large brown one with an 'SD' dog tag on was. The smaller, pink dog just stood there with shaking knees as he tried to growl. What were their names again? Scooby and Courage was it? Oh well. The figure continued on, only to jump back as the dogs pounced forward, snagging the boy's coat. The boy then unwrapped the package to reveal two legs of raw lamb. He tosses them to the dogs who take them back to their doghouse.

The boy quickly grabbed his coat and went to the chains that held the dogs. He shortened them so that they couldn't get anyone that didn't want to be caught while the dogs just nibbled at the meat. The boy got up and smiled in triumph. He then stepped once before his smile fell. He looked down to his foot before turning his head to glare at the dogs. They just stared back until they chuckled silently. The child just glared as he began to scrape his shoe on a pillar.

He entered the house and hanged his coat, revealing his butler outfit for the night. He had short and curly brown hair, a mole the space above his upper left lip. He seemed to have a scab on his left cheek and sideburns that were getting way too long. He looked about the hall to take in the Victoria style glory and beauty of the manor. Listen very carefully and you could even hear a record player playing 'Shake, Rattle and Roll'.

He followed the music into the library where a maid was waiting. The maid outfit seemed like something from a Playboy magazine as the girl was bouncing a little to the song. She was of Spanish descent and was polishing one of the few glasses. Her figure just screamed a word that doesn't even fit the rating of this story. Her name was Paulina. The boy then turned off the radio to her surprise.

"Is everything ready?" the boy asked.

"Si senor," she answered.

"Do you have your instructions?" he insisted.

She only nodded as the boy left. She then stopped and sniffed the air. She checked her shoes to see if she was what she smelled. Meantime the boy crossed the hall and into the kitchen where an elderly man was sharpening a knife.

"Everything good on your end Mr. Ichiraku?" he asked only to have the knife pointed to him.

"Dinner will be ready at 7:30," he reported.

That's when the doorbell rang. The boy left to it as Ichiraku continued to sharpen his knife. The boy opened the door to reveal a dark skinned man in a blue suit. He had dark hair that was slicked back into a ponytail and had a serious air about him.

"Good evening," the boy welcomed with a smile.

"Hello," the other began, "I don't know if I-"

"No no no, don't worry," the boy interrupted. "You are expected. Do you mind if I take your coat colonel? It is Colonel Sokka, correct?" he asked as he took Sokka's coat.

"Well not really," Sokka replied. "My real name is-"

"Ah ah ah ah ah!" the boy interrupted again, "I'm sorry Colonel Sokka, but I'm afraid that you'll have to agree to my employer's terms for the use of an alias."

The boy hanged the coat in the nearby closet, Sokka in the meantime made a grimace as he sniffed the air. What smelled like poo? He quickly hid his facial expression as the boy began to lead him through the hall.

"So what's your name?" Sokka asked.

"My name is Alias sir. I'm the butler around here."

As they arrived at the library door, Sokka couldn't help but look up to the elegant chandelier. Little would he guess that he was to have an unfortunate experience with it later. They entered the library just as Paulina poured the first glass of brandy. Alias stood to the side as Sokka entered behind him.

"Paulina, please tend to the colonel here and give him anything that he needs. … Within reason granted."

Alias left while Sokka stared at the Hispanic standing before him.

"Uh, Alias? I was wondering if you-"

He had turned to face Alias, only to see the shelves of books that made up the door. MAN! What I wouldn't give to have a room like that! Meantime, the doorbell rang again and Alias made his way. The door opened to another tanned girl with black and a dress that seemed more for a funeral than a dinner party.

"Ah please, come in," Alias gestured.

"Do you know who I am?" she asked cautiously.

"I only know that you are to be known here as Mrs. Valerie Gray," Alias replied as he removed her coat and hanged it.

"Yeah, why is that?" she asked. Then she too then sniffed the air for the source of the foul stench.

In the library, Sokka took his glass from Paulina, only to move away with the door's opening swing until he was squished by it and the wall, bringing out a cry of pain. Alias and Valerie entered, with both the ladies in the room flinched at the sight of the other.

"Mrs. Valerie, allow me to introduce you to Paulina, the maid." He then sensed the hate between them. "I see you two met before."

Valerie only went off to the side while exchanging greetings with Sokka.

* * *

Out on an open road, there was a red car with the hood up. Its owner raised her head from her inspection, and then kicked the car in anger. She had a blue dress and coat on, blue eyes and bleached blonde hair. She looked off to the side, happy to see two headlights coming down the path. She leaned back into the car to look helpless, remembering at the last second to pop her leg up for good measure. The purple car slowed to a stop as the owner leaded over to look at her. He had a purple suit, grey skin, red eyes and hair. 

"Need some help?" he offered.

"Yes," the woman said happily as she got into the car. "Late for a dinner party."

"Yeah, me too. So where ya goin?" he asked as he shifted the car into gear.

The girl then pulled out a white letter and looked at the address on the bottom. "Wilson House off of Route 42."

The man's eyes widen at that. "Hold on, let me take a look at that!" he grabbed the letter and looked at it. "This is the same invite that I got!"

They shared a moment of silence as he handed her back the invite and turned on the wipers as rain began to fall and was rapidly heaving. He stepped on the pedal, leaving the girl's car to rust. … … Okay that was kinda angsty.

* * *

"And this," Alias introduced in the library to the guests, "is Mrs. Hinata Hyuuga." 

She stood in a white gown, her timid ness showing at the new faces. But she did receive hellos from Sokka and Valerie.

"Paulina," Alias spoke, "please check to see if dinner will be on time."

Paulina nodded and went to the door, handing a glass of brandy to Hinata. She took it while seeming even more nervous at seeing Paulina's not so modest clothing. Meantime, the doorbell rang again as Alias left to get it. At the door a slim figure was taking refuge from the increasingly heavy rain. The man was tall, slim, white, had blonde hair in the style of a Mohawk and mullet fusion and was staring at the angry dogs. The door opened to reveal to Alias that the man was in a classic black suit.

"Uh, excuse me but is where we are to see a Mr. Wilson?" the man asked.

"Yes this is," Alias replied. "And you must be Mr. Demyx. SIT!" he shouted to the dogs while Demyx quickly sat in the nearby bench in fright until Alias saw him. "Ah, not you Mr. Demyx."

Demyx looked in confusion until he remembered the dogs. He let out a breathy chuckle before following Alias inside.

* * *

At that time the final car was coming off onto the driveway. 

"It should be just off there," the girl directed.

The man drove until the car suddenly stopped at the gates, allowing its passengers to look at the mansion. "This must be it," he said in a scared tone.

"Yeah," the girl agreed, "but why did the car stop?"

"…Because it's frightened?" he finished even more scared, trying not to let her see his foot which was practically glued to the brake.

He finally put the car back into gear and continued. He quickly went to the driveway, parking the car as close to the house as possible. He came out first with an umbrella already opened. He then rushed to the passenger's door and opened it allowing the girl to rush with him to the porch to avoid getting wet. The man closed the umbrella while the girl checked to see if she got wet.

"Man," he exclaimed, "what a god forsaken place."

That's when he grabbed her butt. She got ready to draw her fist when the door opened and the sight that awaited the opener surprised him.

"Why, Professor Jack Spicer! And Miss Ino Yamanaka! I didn't realize you two knew each other!"

"We don't," Ino said angrily as she went inside and shot a glare at Jack at the same time.

They arrived to the library, Alias in lead.

"Ladies and gentlemen, may I introduce you all to Miss Ino Yamanaka and Professor Jack Spicer. Of course granted as you can tell by these ridiculous names, nobody here is by their real name."

Everyone stared at everyone else, the mystery thick enough to cut with a knife. Suddenly a loud gong noise sounded, shocking Demyx into spilling his brandy all over Hinata.

Alias just smiled. "Ah dinner."

Hinata stood there frightened while Demyx pulled out a tissue. "Uh, sorry about that," he apologized, "I'm a little accident prone."

The others just went into the hall, following Alias and Paulina to the dining room. None of them realized that this night was to change their lives forever, or that seven lives will end tonight either.


	2. Dinner

Clue: an Unknown Alias Parody

Chapter 2  
Dinner

* * *

The guests followed Alias into the dining room, seven chairs set about the table with signs on them. Alias gestured to the table as the guests saw their names on the signs.

"You'll find your names on the seat you are to sit in," Alias spoke as they already began to sit down.

Sokka then cast a curious glance on the chair at the far end of the table. "Hey is this spot yours?" he asked Alias.

"Oh heavens no," he replied with a laugh, "I'm simply the butler around here."

"So what do you do?" Sokka asked.

"I buttle Mr. Sokka," he replied with a grin.

"And that means?"

"The butler is the head of the kitchen and dining room. I have to keep everything tidy."

"So then what is this party about?" Hinata asked shyly as Alias pulled out her chair for her.

"Our reason is not to ask why, ours is to do and die," Alias quoted.

"Die?" Jack asked frightened.

"No no no, not a worry Professor," Alias calmed, "I was simply quoting Maxwell Tennison." (50 cyber bucks to who can guess that reference!)

"Ah I prefer Kipling myself," Sokka spoke. "The female of the species is more deadly than the male. Do you like Kipling Miss Ino?" he asked as offered a plate of hors de vors to her.

"Sure, I'll eat anything," she joked as she took one.

Paulina then came out of the door from the kitchen, holding a large plate with six bowls on them. She then handed one to each guests. "Shark fin soup seniors and senoritas."

Sokka then glanced again at that final empty chair at the end. "So is that seat for our host then?"

"No Mr. Sokka," Alias replied. "This seat is for the final guest, Mr. Slade Wilson."

"I thought Slade was our host," Valerie stated accompanied my agreements from all of the guests. "So who is our host?"

Alias just smiled grimly as he poured wine in each of the guests' cups.

Jack then tucked a napkin into his collar. "Well I don't know about you but I'm eating this while it's still hot."

"B-but shouldn't we wait for the final guest?" Hinata stuttered.

"I'll keep something warm for him," Paulina said as she finished passing out the bouls.

"What do you have in mind?" Ino joked.

She was then caught off by a noticeable slurp. This was followed by an also noticeable sip. All eyes rose to se Jack and Valerie, sipping the soup from their spoons. You could just sense the awkwardness.

_Slurp. Sip. Slurp. Sip. Slurp. Sip._

Hinata began to speak up. "Well, someone will have to start the conversation, it as well be me. After all I'm used to doing this and being a hostess as part of my husband's work and it's always difficult when a new group of friends get together for the first time so I'm completely ready to start the ball rolling. I mean I don't even know why we're here or what I'm doing here but I am determined to enjoy myself. This is a lot of fun and this soup is really delicious isn't it?"

Nobody said a word as everyone was frozen in silence, their jaws still open and the spoons in the air.

"So you said you were used to doing this as part of your husband's work?" Valerie spoke as she continued to eat.

"Well yes," she replied. "It's a normal part of your life when you're the wife of a-" she then covered her mouth as she realized what she was going to say. "I'm sorry; I forgot that we aren't supposed to say who we are."

Demyx looked down to his soup while speaking. "I know who you are."

Hinata then dropped her spoon in shock. "How do you know who I am?"

"I work in Washington too," he replied with a smile.

"Washington," Jack concluded, "so you're a politician's wife?"

"Yes, yes I am," she answered timidly. "So, Mrs. Gray, what does your husband do?"

"Nothing," she answered sharply.

"Nothing?" Hinata repeated.

"Yeas nothing. He just sits around, lying around on his back all day."

"Sounds like hard work to me," Ino kidded.

The small door for serving food directly from the kitchen suddenly was slammed open by Paulina, oddly enough accompanied by thunder causing Demyx to slam his hands down in fright, accidentally flipping his spoon and spilling soup on Ino.

"Ah sorry," he said as he pulled his tissue out again. "I'm a little accident prone."

"Hey watch it," Ino snapped when Demyx's hands got too close for her comfort.

Meantime, Alias was busty taking away the soup when people were done with it while Paulina was serving the main course. To many a person's surprise, Hinata was eating it wholeheartedly.

"Mmm! This is one of my favorite recipes," Hinata complimented to Alias.

"I know miss," Alias replied.

Hinata continued to eat, her confidence now boosting. "So what is it you do in Washington D.C. Mr. Demyx? I mean how are we supposed to get to know each other if we don't talk?"

"Maybe he doesn't want to know you," Ino said testily.

"Yes but if I don't talk then we'll probably just be sitting here in an embarrassing silence," she replied.

"Are you afraid of silence?" Jack asked, stopping his eating.

"Yeah- uh no no! Why?" Hinata said, obviously scared.

"Well you seem to be suffering from what we call 'pressure of speech'," Jack stated.

"We?" Ino asked intrigued. "Who's we? Are you a shrink?"

"I do know little bit of psychiatry," he replied.

"So you're a doctor?" Valerie asked.

"Yes but I don't practice."

"Well practice makes perfect," Ino said with a smirk. "I think most men need a little practice, don't you Mrs. Hyuuga?"

"So where do you work?" Demyx asked.

"I work with the Untied Nations," Jack said proudly.

"Great," Sokka moaned, "another politician."

"No, I work in the health branch of the U.N., the World Health Organization."

"So what do you specialize in?" Hinata asked.

"Family planning," Jack answered with a smirk. "So what about you Colonel? Are you a real Colonel?"

"Yes," he answered with pride, "yes I am."

"So you're not going to mention that you too live in Washington D.C.?" Ino asked innocently.

Sokka stared. "Have we met before?"

Ino's smirk grew. "I definitely seen you before, but you haven't seen me."

"So you too live in Washington?" Demyx asked Ino.

"Sure do."

"Well is there anyone who doesn't?" Hinata asked.

"I don't," Jack piped.

"Yeah," Demyx spoke, "but you work with the United Nations. That's a government job, and the rest of us live in a government town. Is there anybody here who doesn't make their living from the government?"

This was the last straw for Sokka. He slammed his napkin onto the table and stood to face Alias. "Alright Alias, who is our host and why have we been brought here?"

The doorbell rang and Alias smirked. He left the kitchen, leaving the door open. They heard the front door open, as well as a conversation.

"Ah welcome! You're eagerly awaited."

They then heard a click and a new voice.

"Are you locking me in?"

"Yes."

"Then give me the key."

"Over my dead body sir. May I take your bag?"

"No thank you. I'll be keeping it in the hall for now."

"Ah, the evidence I presume."

"No. Surprises child. Surprises."

Alias then entered, showing a man in casual attire and a bronze and black mask showing only his left eye.

"Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce the final guest, Mr. Slade Wilson."

Everyone stared as a bad vibe came through the room. Slade stared as well, casting his eye over each of them.

"What are they doing here?" Slade asked carefully.

"Eating dinner," Alias answered. "Please be seated."

Slade seated himself as Paulina walked from the kitchen, a bowl of the soup in her hands.

"You may take that away miss," Slade said to her. Paulina remained quiet as she walked back to the kitchen.

Hinata finally slammed her hand down on the table for attention. "Listen, I had enough of this already. Now please tell me why have we been dragged up here to this place?"

"Well," Alias began as he pulled out a letter from his coat. "I believe we've all received a letter. Mine says, 'It'll be to your advantage to be present on this date, as a certain Mr. Slade Wilson will put to an end a series of painful, secretive and long standing financial situations.' It's signed 'a friend'."

"I got a similar letter," Sokka spoke.

"We all did, didn't we?" Ino guessed.

"I received a letter as well," Slade said. Paulina had then come back with a plate of the meal. "No need Paulina, I just ate."

"Now how did you know her?" Demyx asked.

"It doesn't really matter how, we still know each other. Right Paulina?" he answered while ignoring Paulina's hate filled glare.

"If you don't mind me asking Mr. Wilson, did your letter say the same thing?" Alias asked.

"Unfortunately no," Slade answered with a slight glare.

"Hmm. Oh well," Alias shrugged before turning back to the guests. "While we're all here, would there be anybody who would like some fruit or dessert?"

Everyone remained silent. But you can definitely sense the tension.

"Well then," Alias continued, "Please let us all go to the study for some coffee and brandy, and perhaps we'll find out our unknown host's intentions."

* * *

Unknown Alias's status: signed out.

Date of update: 11/25/2007


End file.
